Day 1 ....

Started the Next '12 months to change your body' plan today. Fifteen mins easy pedalling on the exercycle - who can't manage that? Got some tummy exercises to do as well and that's it for today. This plan is really well timed for me, given my goal of losing weight before I turn 40 next year. It goes for a year, and my birthday's in July so it's perfect.

Having a nice healthy lunch today too - baked potato with tuna and salad. Might have some pineapple after. Nothing wrong with that, and it's tasty too.

Not sure what I'm gonna do re weighing myself. They reckon not to for the first month or so but I don't know if I can hold out that long, lol. We'll see.

I realised something today.

I hate bloody stretch fabric!! I mean, it has its place .... But when it's all you're able to wear 'cos you're too friggen fat to wear anything structured, it gets a bit old. Tried shopping at Farmers' sale today but one shapeless stretchy top looks much like another after a while, so I left with nothing.

AAAARRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!

I've started.

I printed off the fact sheets for all the courses that might fit the bill at Ucol. I have to compare them and decide which one to go for, and then get in touch with WINZ to see if I qualify for a subsidy. Hopefully!

I've been doing some navel gazing, and have realised a few things about myself. I've been cruising through life, not taking any chances. Looking at situations from every angle before making a decision, which sometimes leads to not making a decision at all. Too scared I might make a mistake, when really, making mistakes is the only way people learn. And while I'm keeping myself safe, I'm also making sure I stay in exactly the same place I'm in now. A huge rut!

No more. Well, maybe a little bit more, lol. But I'm going to start putting myself out there a bit, taking a few risks. I'm sure it'll be worth it.

On another note, I think I'm gonna have to keep the stray cat that's hanging around. She seems very attached to us, even though I've given her no encouragement at all, and she and Paris are best of friends. I wasn't planning on having another cat at all but I feel sorry for her.

Talk later.

Off the wagon again. What is up with me??? I'm in such a rut and it's soooo hard to get out of it. I need to start making some changes, but even where to start is a decision that feels beyond me at times.

Right, here's a list of all the things I need to get on top of. I'm gonna start working my way through them, one step at a time.

* Weight - well, duh!
* Study - choose a programme to enrol in and just DO IT.
* WINZ - to talk through my options re study and grants etc.
* I need to get my licence, which is just a matter of booking the test. Oh, and paying for it of course, which is an issue right now.
* The cat needs fixing - might as well add that to the list, lol.
* Income - I NEED to find some ways to increase my income. I'm really struggling at the moment and don't want to keep living like this.

Ok, so this week I'm going to look through all my study options and finally make a choice. New semesters will be starting soon and if I don't sort it out now I'll miss out. That's my goal for this week.

So I've put my back out ....

LMAO - what else can go wrong. Mowing the blardy lawns, it's so friggen wet and muddy out there my feet kept slipping and I ended up tweaking my back. It's getting better and I managed to go for a gentle walk today so HOPEFULLY soon everything will be back to normal - whatever *normal* is, lol - and I can get back into things.

On a lighter note, pun intended, I somehow managed to lose 3lb over the last couple of weeks. Whatever, however, I'm happy with that. I want one of those weight loss ticker things so I can watch it go down.

That's me for today, nothing else to add.

It's been a crappy few days.

Cameron's had pneumonia and I've spent most of the last four days sitting in a chair next to her bed. My heart might have been racing some of the time but I don't think it counts as exercise. I've been eating whatever was to hand, mostly hot buttered toast and mandarins, lol - not exactly nutritious. But Cameron's home now and on the road to recovery so hopefully - once I get some good rest myself - things can get back to normal.

Bahahahaha, so much for my *pledge*.

I've missed a workout already. What's it been - one day? OMG. But I have learned from this - I HAVE to workout in the morning, otherwise I just can't be bothered. I'll make it up, and I won't let myself get caught out like that again.

On the plus side, I've eaten pretty healthily today, I'm quite impressed. Had some choccie, but come on, who can live without chocolate. Not I! Haven't had enough fruit but will try harder tomorrow.

I've also been trying to sort out my study options. I've finally decided what I want to do, which is pursue my computer skills further. Silly really - I've been racking my brains for ages, trying to figure out what it is I really love that I could do as a job, and it was right in front of me. I love typing, word processing, spreadsheets, desktop publishing, I'd even like to have a crack at web design. With my accounting background I think it would give me options. I'd like to extend on the accounting thing by learning MYOB and some other accounting software packages too.

There's a course at UCOL that kinda fits the bill but it's full time and I'm not sure I want that. Plus the old self esteem thing (or lack of) is kicking in - fear of the unknown etc. I need to at least ring UCOL and chat to someone about what would be the best course for me. Maybe tomorrow?

Right, off to watch people slaughtering songs I like on Stars in Their Eyes, lol.

So I did my first workout this morning ....

And it was ok. Not too strenuous, nothing I can't continue for the next 13 days, but I can still see it having a positive effect on my strength and energy levels. It's a start.

AND, in the interests of being accountable, I'm going to post my weight. OMG, I can't believe I've going to publicly *say* the number ..... 288 lb. As of this morning, that's my weight. More than Homer Simpson!! Fark me. I weigh myself in pounds because it makes the losses seem bigger, lol - but it also makes the weight itself seem huge. Which I guess it is. But anyway, if I want to meet my goal of losing 40kg by my 40th birthday I have to weigh no more than 200 lb at the end of July next year. That makes a weekly loss of just under 1.5 lb - VERY do-able.

As long as I stay on track that is. Which has always proven to be my downfall in the past. Sooooo .... strategies to get around that are needed. For now I'm gonna stick with making some simple changes that won't be too painful to implement, and go from there.

Time for a new plan, Stan ....

This ain't working. The only way I'm gonna do this is to commit to it properly. I was reading a post on TM earlier, someone wanting to lose 30kg by their 30th birthday. I turn 40 in a bit over a year; how cool would it be if I could lose 40kg by then? Friggen awesomely cool, that's how cool!

Soooo ... in the interests of making myself more accountable and making it more likely that I'll actually post here, I've made this page my home page. I HAVE to come here each time I log on now, so I might as well post.

I've got a new book on whole-body toning with a two week workout that looks just the thing for a kick start. You workout every day but it's only for about 10 mins at a time which is very doable. I'm making this pledge to myself that I WILL complete the two week plan, no matter what.

I'm also gonna cut down on my icecream consumption. This is gonna sound really bad, but I've somehow managed to get into the habit of having icecream every blardy night. Not good for the waistline! I'm not giving it up completely (I mean can you imagine a world without icecream? 'cos I can't) but drastically cutting down. Hehe, that alone will probably see some kilos fall off me.

That's all for now.

Sooooo ....

I've been eating like crap - no change there. What is it with me and food? I've been eating badly for so long it's a habit now, a hard one to break. But on a positive note, I've been walking. Yesterday and today, half an hour each after dropping the kids at school. Not huge, but a good start. I nearly wimped out today, I left home without my mp3 player and nearly put it off *til later*, but I realised I was making an excuse and that if I didn't do it right then it probably (almost certainly) wouldn't get done at all.

Haven't had dinner so I'm gonna make myself a poached egg, and try and do better tomorrow.

Time to get back into it ...

Crashed and burned over Christmas and never really recovered after that. Now a third of the year has gone, and there's only about 15 months until I turn 40. I will NOT be 40 and fat!! Time to put the hard yards in.

I've got a book, appropriately named "Fit Not Fat at 40 Plus" - sounds like the deal, right? Obviously I have to do the work, but there are some good tools and guides in the book relating to diet, exercise and mind/body balance.

Plus, the other motivating factor I have is that the ex is due for his annual visit in the next school holidays. Noooooo, I am not harbouring a secret desire to lure him back into my arms. I just want to show him that I am NOT in the same place physically or mentally that I was when we last saw each other. Don't ask me why this is important to me, I can't really explain it. But it matters.

Sooooo, my goals for now are to update my blog regularly, get more exercise (I'm aiming for four walks per week and will build on that as I progress), and make some manageable changes to my diet. I can do this.